Sex Work: Pillow Talk Sex Work: The Ropes

A 3 Minute Lap Dance: Start to Finish

A 3-minute Lapdance: Start to Finish

If you’ve not yet been lucky enough to have experienced a professional lapdance and have always been curious about what goes on back there – you’re in the right place!

This particular post is not intended to be a “teaching” session as such, but more of an imaginative journey to reassure you about what really happens behind the curtain of a strip club booth.

First things first, if you are here in the UK, like me, forget everything you thought you knew.

A 3 Minute Lap Dance: Start to Finish

The media, Hollywood films and celebrity scandals have left us with an optimistic view of what strip clubs look like. The characteristic camera pan of well-decorated, toned torsos; slow-motion asses and a constant cash tornado is only true for a fraction of clubs worldwide.

Usually what you’re seeing is the very best strip clubs located somewhere only the 1% could afford to fly out to. The difference between this image and the reality for most clubs, is likeable to that of an American Realtor and an English Estate Agent: very different.

So, allow me to paint you a new picture…

A 3 Minute Lap Dance: Start to Finish

Getting a customer to agree to pay for a dance:

Doesn’t sound that hard, does it? Men are primal creatures and you’re wearing lingerie. They appear to have walked into the premises knowingly and without a gun to their head. They must want a dance?

Oh, no no no no.

They want a chat. Most of them for free, too. I allow conversations with customers to take their natural course for 3-4 minutes, as my customers tend to take about that amount of time to warm up to me!

Of course, I do have fallback questions if we hit an awkward silence. I like to ask casual questions (for example, about their evening or occasion) and occasionally throw in something to really make them think! All the time, trying to relate to their topics as much as possible and allow them to lead… if they can.

Here are 5 Questions Every Strippers Hear!

When the moment is right, I ask them “have you had any dances this evening?”, smile sweetly and, no matter what their answer, I say “you haven’t had one with me yet”. They need varying amounts of encouragement depending on their circumstances but if they agree, I march them straight to the pay point before they change their mind.

A 3 Minute Lap Dance: Start to Finish

Payment for such service:

A very good question; and surprisingly, loads of answers.

The customer can pay via card in all high-end UK strip clubs and most ensure transaction discretion on bank statements. For example, instead of ‘£20 3-Minute Fully Nude Dance at PussyPower’, it will say ‘£20 Burger&Fries at BurgerMania’ when their wives’ open their mail. They can also pay cash, which is the most popular option until about 4 AM. This is when most punters are spent out of cash and will need to tap that plastic.

Some clubs use dance tokens which the dancer then “cashes in” at the end of her shift. This reduces the risk of theft from a dancer’s bag by a customer.

Sometimes, clubs employ a “marker” to tally and keep track of dancer’s sessions, in order to deduct the correct commission fees. Realistically, this is my least favourite option when working as there is a massive opportunity for corruption. It is well known in the industry that markers have been persuaded to tally less sessions for dancers providing they preform sexual favours; therefore reducing their payable commission to the club. Essentially: selective prostitution in an illegal venue. We will come to this later.

Increased dance prices correlate with the time and room that the customer and dancer occupy; not the amount of contact or extra services. Again, if we’re honest, dancers have been bargained with in the past, but let me be clear: it is not worth losing your position in a club you profit well in.

Tipping is not uncommon in the UK after a private dance, but cash is rarely thrown whilst a dancer is on stage, despite misapprehensions of such. At the end of a private dance I will usually drop a subtle and humorous hint that we very much appreciate tips from customers, which often leads to an extra £10, £20 or even £50. Go on, be cheeky: if you don’t ask, you don’t get.

A 3 Minute Lap Dance: Start to Finish

“Welcome to my ORRIFICE”…get it?

So, once cash has been exchanged, the customer is lead into the booth and asked to sit on their hands. The rules are explained, usually something to the tune of, “no photography, touching or groping – and enjoy!”

The red (normally red) curtain is drawn and we wait for the next song to begin. If the club is using the typical automated DJ systems, each song is cropped to 3 minutes to fit with the dance prices.

Once the song begins, the dancer takes her time working her clothes off! Each dancer has their own style and they normally develop a loose but sultry routine for each dance length.

I’ll often start with hard eye contact to build the mood, remove a dress (if it’s before midnight) and then my lingerie, piece by piece, intertwined in movements designed to control where they’re gaze lies. This kind of control requires confidence, both in oneself and in the circumstances. That’s why the highest earning dancers are usually the ones who genuinely love their job! Find out what to pack in your stripper bag here!

At the very beginning of their dance, no matter the length, I often throw in a few ice breakers in an “I’m naked so tell me your darkest secrets” kind of way. Just to gauge their preferences, I’ll ask if they prefer bum or boobs; if they say bum, I’ll proceed to wait until the last minute of the dance to shake my bum inches from their faces’; and vice versa. Then comes the inevitable permissive but obedient glance up to see if I’m desperately moaning for more; 99% of the time met with a shaking head and stern glance from me. I’m told I feign “if you weren’t here, I’d be doing this anyway”.

And just like that, they behave. Usually. (More on that, later!)

I’ll follow that with more intimate questions to assess their experience level, like “are you sub, dom, or switch?”, “what positions do you like to fuck in?”, etc. All whispered somewhere near the neck region with no bra or knickers on. At this point, they’ll tell you most things if you ask.

If the client instigates further conversation during the dance, I will respond with something that only the fantasy in front of them would – by this time, I usually have a pretty clear idea of what that is and enjoy playing up to it.

For the remainder of the dance, the customer behaves and the dancer gets naked. And that’s it.

A 3 Minute Lap Dance: Start to Finish

“I’ll see you at the bar” – the biggest lie told by strippers

When the dance comes to an end, I say “that’s your dance finished, would you like to carry on (in VIP)?”

This plants the idea of a VIP experience and, I’d guess, about 25% say yes to this. If I know the customer isn’t looking to get VIP dances, I don’t pester them to, I simply offer them more individual (3 minute/1 song) dances.

If further dances are declined, I subtly drop hints for a tip and politely say “thank you very much for your time, I hope you have a good evening and if you need anything, just give me a wave”.

QUESTION TIME

What About Male Strippers?
A 3 Minute Lap Dance: Start to Finish

Once again, completely different!

Male strip shows are more lengthy stage shows which often end fully nude. Whereas, female strippers perform 3-4 songs on stage at any one time and usually leave on a thong, knickers or G string. Only inside the booth, do we get fully naked; this is designed to entice customers to purchase dances, whereas private shows are not an element of male strip shows.

The requirements to become a male stripper are far stricter than that of their female counterpart, too. In addition, the sex industry is the only sector in which females earn more than the men; so, the average earnings of female strippers are higher.

How do you Deal with Inappropriate Behaviour during a Dance?
A 3 Minute Lap Dance: Start to Finish

Red button the shit out of it. And then watch security enter with a protective stance to remove your customer from the club and end the dance.

I usually provide one warning to the customer before doing this, unless the act threatens my safety or sanity. Sanity, most often; very rarely do we experience violence or aggression from our customers – most of them just want a good night out.

Do Strippers ever Provide Sexual Favours?
A 3 Minute Lap Dance: Start to Finish

Short answer? It happens. But you can – and should, always decline these offers as this is strictly against the rules and staying on the legal side of this is key to a long and prosperous career as a dancer. In fact, even propositioning a dancer can get a customer thrown out. Most dance booths are camera-ed for your safety and to protect against unlawful practice… so definitely not worth the risk.

I might sound like a fun sponge, but that’s not the job.

Reasons NOT to do this include: your sexual health, legality and the unfair position you are putting other dancers in. Play fair, follow the rules and make your bank account look like a phone number.

What is Strip Club Etiquette?
A 3 Minute Lap Dance: Start to Finish

“Strip club etiquette” is a widely used term to describe the unspoken rules of being a professional and well-liked exotic dancer.

A great example of this is not poaching customers. This is when a dancer is in the chatting phase and in some way or another, the customer is approached by another dancer and their attention is diverted and profit is lost as a result.

You may ask why it’s important to be professional and well-liked, as an exotic dancer? Well, in a self-serving sense, who do you think that girl you just poached from will select for her next double 3-hour dance? Is it worth your whole month’s rent? It won’t be you!! …and on a more moral note, be nice and just don’t be a dick.

It’s important to remember that without professionalism in this industry, we won’t get respect or justice. Again, just don’t be a dick.

Other unspoken rules include not sharing real names or real background stories, and just generally not being bitchy, greedy, possessive or jealous.

Have other questions? Post them in the comments below and I will edit in any FAQs.

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About Author

Strip club drama and bananas-up-butt-holes. Fill your thigh-highs with the inside stories and everyday musings of a sex-positive, misconception stomping, feminist sex worker.

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